Dan Rather and the 2006 Midterm Elections

J.Phineas Gage - Guest Columnist

JG: Dan thanks for taking some time to answer a few questions. We were kind of surprised you called back since this blog is one of the newer ones out there. I guess things are kind of slow?

DR: Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow.

JG: Right. What are you up to these days? Doing any special reports? A little writing? gearing up for the 2006 coverage of the political campaigns?

DR: I had someone at the Houston police station shoot me with heroin so I could do a story about it. The experience was a special kind of hell. I came out understanding full well how one could be addicted to 'smack,' and quickly.

JG: You're serious? You took a needle for the good of a story? But am I missing something...if it was a "special kind of hell" wouldn't that push you away from the drug rather than towards addiction?

DR: Once the herd starts moving in one direction, it's very hard to turn it, even slightly.

JG: Hmmmmm...OK.

DR: I've tried everything. I can say to you with confidence, I know a fair amount about LSD. I've never been a social user of any of these things, but my curiosity has carried me into a lot of interesting areas.

JG: Well, back to the news. So now that you're not in an offical broadcasting role with CBS do you have any opinions about the midterm elections you would like to share with us? Maybe handicap some of the big races?

DR: Those market researchers... are playing games with you and me and with this entire country. Their so-called samples of opinion are no more accurate or reliable than my grandmother's big toe was when it came to predicting the weather.

JG: Are you including political blogs in that category?

DR: I've always tried to be fair, even-handed, not an advocate for any group.

JG: What do you think about Hillary Clinton's chances for president?

DR: The reelection of Bill Clinton is as secure as a double-knot tied in wet rawhide.

JG: No, its Hillary who is running, not Bill.

DR: Folks, let me point out something to you, because for a lot of people in Washington, they could not be more surprised if Fidel Castro came loping through on the back of a hippopotamus this Election Night.

JG: Alright, lets try John McCain - where does he have to do well to make it through the primaries and get the Republican nomination?

DR: They say California's the big burrito; Texas is a big taco right now. We want to follow that through. Florida is a big tamale.

JG: Thats it?

DR: Never eat spinach just before going on the air.

JG: Dan are you OK? Maybe its been awhile since you've done the interview give-and-take, questions and answers...maybe you haven't adjusted to being the subject instead of the reporter?

DR: I got addicted. News, particularly daily news, is more addictive than crack cocaine, more addictive than heroin, more addictive than cigarettes.

JG: Back to heroin and crack again. Well, we're running out of time here -

DR: What I say or do here won't matter much, nor should it.

JG: Thanks for stopping by, I think I'm beginning to understand why we were able to grab you for an exclusive interview.

DR: Those of you watching and listening, get a cup of coffee or a spot of tea and join us back here in just a few moments.

JG: No Dan, we're done. And there is no camera. Just text on a computer screen.

DR: Nobody's pushing me out.

JG: Times up.

DR: Thats part of our world, goodnight.

Source of the quotes used to assemble the "interview".